Mary Angel
(3/2025) Have you ever run a marathon? Have you gone to college and thought you would never make it to graduation? What about when you were pregnant, especially in the summer, and thought you would never get to meet your new baby in person? There are times in life when the journey is as exciting, fun, and difficult as the finale we are working towards.
When I was pregnant, I enjoyed almost every minute of it. I know, for some of my friends they had severe morning sickness, swollen ankles, and any number of other challenges. For me, it was a joy. I struggled with morning sickness with only one of my babies, and actually it was all day sickness, but only when I smelled food cooking. I simply avoided, at all costs, the smell of any food cooking and I was great. I still had trouble getting comfortable to sleep (picture BIG babies) and reaching my shoes to tie them was a definite challenge, but for the most part I LOVED being pregnant. So when the time came to give birth, I was thrilled, but there was a sense of "Oh, I am going to miss that little peanut moving around inside of me".
With my last child I was induced a week early due to some health concerns, and since one of mine was two weeks early at 10 pounds. My husband and I agreed this would be our last, although I still tried to convince him to have one more. When I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl, I was in awe of her, just like I was with each of them. Truth be told, the first was probably a little more fear than awe. However, there was a slight feeling of sadness at it all being over. I had this feeling before, but this time it was a bit more intense, as she was the end of a very long journey. I guess this type of feeling happens more often with regards to a youngest child, as there are so many things that you will never experience again.
This year, my baby graduates from high school. I am not sure where the time has gone. I can still remember all of the other high school graduations, and although they made me happy and sad, all at the same time, I don’t remember being quite this melancholy. I am sure it is because she is the last high school graduate I will have, but that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier. I am so excited for her future and all that it holds. I think about her going to college, making new friends, dating and possibly getting married, and grandchildren. All of those things are amazing and awesome, but she will no longer be my baby.
She, of course, says she will always be my baby. It wasn’t long ago that she said she didn’t want to grow up and always wanted to live with me. I smiled and laughed and told her she would change her mind, to which she replied, "Never!". The irony is, it wasn’t a month later when she started talking about dating and getting married. It has been some exciting conversations, sprinkled with a dash of fear. What happened to my baby? Where has she gone? Apparently, she grew up, and in one month!
This little girl who would not leave my side as a toddler, who didn’t want to do sleepovers and cried when she left for camp has grown up. I am grateful that she talks to me about everything, that she still wants me to say prayers every night and loves to spend time with me. But sad, that she no longer needs me, except for the occasional gas money. I am grateful that she has grown into a beautiful, Jesus-loving, confident young woman.
On the flip side of the sadness coin is guilt. Sometimes I feel guilty that I am alright with her growing up. I am actually excited for what her future may hold. I am guilty when my husband and I head out on a Saturday to spend the day together, because the kids are older, and we can. It may sound weird, but I have been a mom longer than anything else in my life, except wife. I have earned my "gold watch" in motherhood. Therefore, I periodically get hung up when I am trying to be something different than a mom…even a wife. Please don’t misunderstand, I quickly get over the guilt and have a great time with my hubby, but at first there is this little voice that says, "What if they need you" or "You only have a little more time before they have all moved out".
So, what is a mom to do? Well, I definitely can’t sit around the house waiting for them to need me or want to hang out with me. The best thing I can do for them is encourage them to live their lives to the fullest, pursue their dreams, and call their mom once in a while. I have decided not to ask them to have the phrase "Call Your Mom" tattooed on their arms, but I did deeply consider it for a while. In my defense I have also considered "Drive Carefully", "Follow Jesus", and "You are Loved". I have yet to demand any of them.
As a mom there are so many things I want my children to remember as they grow up and leave the nest. If I asked them to have every wish, dream, and warning tattooed, they would look like Post Malone. Besides, I am not sure, "Make sure you have clean underwear on if you get in an accident" should ever be used for a tattoo. I have put them all in one of those memory books for my kids. Each child will receive a different book of memories, their memories and my memories of them. I have included pictures, my thoughts and advice. Each one of them has changed me for the better, and each in a different way.
I am sad that they have all grown up so fast but love that they still love to hang out with their old mom. I can’t wait to see the future they each have, as they are all so different and amazing. As for my baby, I will cry a little bit more at her graduation but can’t wait to see what path she chooses. This job of motherhood is a hard one, but oh so rewarding and a bit entertaining at times. I am going to have a little cry and go hug my baby, and I suggest you do the same. Because, whether we like it or not, they are going to grow up and leave the nest and they will be amazing!
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